What Turns You On? Discover Your ‘Erotic Blueprint’ for Better S*x and Deeper Connection
Introduction:
Let’s talk about sex—or more specifically, let’s talk about how we’re all wired differently when it comes to desire. I’ve always been fascinated by what makes people tick in relationships, from communication styles to emotional needs. But what about the way we experience pleasure? That’s a whole different layer of self-awareness that most of us never truly explore.
Growing up in a society that barely talks about pleasure, we’re left to figure it out on our own. Sure, we have sex ed—if you can even call it that—but most people don’t even know that women have four phases in their cycle, let alone how that affects their libido and desires (I’ll talk more on that in a different article). Then we grow older, and suddenly, we’re just expected to know. What we like. What we don’t. How to communicate our needs. How to explore pleasure without shame or taboos. But why don’t we actually learn about pleasure?
And it’s not just women who are left in the dark—men, too, are often given a one-dimensional view of desire. They're expected to always be “ready,” to focus on performance rather than connection, and to suppress any emotional or psychological aspects of their sexuality. But studies show that’s far from reality. Research indicates that one in five men experience low sexual desire at some point in their lives—yet, it’s rarely talked about. The pressure to fit into rigid expectations around sex leaves both men and women disconnected from their true desires.
That’s where the Erotic Blueprint comes in—a system developed by somatic sexologist Jaiya that breaks down how we respond to intimacy and sexual stimulation. Think of it like the love languages, but for your sex life—helping you understand what truly turns you on and how to communicate that with a partner.
Ready to discover your blueprint? Let’s dive in.
Section 1: What is an Erotic Blueprint?
Your Erotic Blueprint is basically a map of your sexual wiring. It’s how your body and mind respond to erotic stimuli and how you experience pleasure. According to Jaiya, there are five main Erotic Blueprint types: Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter. Each type has its own unique way of experiencing and expressing desire.
But here’s the fun part—you’re not stuck with just one blueprint. You might lean heavily toward one type, or you could be a mix of two or more. And like anything else in life, your desires can evolve over time.
The Bottom Line: Understanding your Erotic Blueprint means understanding what really lights your fire. It’s about knowing yourself intimately so you can ask for what you want, whether you’re solo or with a partner.
Section 2: The 5 Erotic Blueprint Types
Here’s a breakdown of each Erotic Blueprint type and how you can start recognizing them in yourself (or your partner):
Energetic: Turned on by anticipation, tease, and space. If you’re someone who loves the build-up to a kiss or the excitement of almost touching, you might be an energetic. It’s all about the subtle sensations that leave you craving more. Think light touches, a slow hand on your skin, or even eye contact that sends shivers down your spine.
Superpower: You feel everything intensely before it even happens.
Shadow Side: You can get overwhelmed or shut down if things get too intense too quickly.
Sensual: Turned on by the senses—touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound. If you love the feeling of soft sheets, the smell of a candlelit room, or the taste of chocolate melting in your mouth, you’re likely a sensual. For you, the atmosphere and full-body experience matter more than just focusing on the “main event.”
Superpower: You can have full-body orgasms and feel deeply connected through all your senses.
Shadow Side: You can get stuck in your head, worrying about whether everything is “just right” (Did I forget to light the candles? Is the pillow crooked?).
Sexual: Turned on by nudity, genitals, and straightforward sexual activity. You love the simplicity of it all—no frills, just straight-to-the-point desire. You know what you want, and you don’t need a lot of build-up to get there.
Superpower: You can get turned on quickly and easily.
Shadow Side: Sometimes you can focus too much on the orgasm and miss out on the journey.
Kinky: Turned on by the taboo. For you, it’s all about power dynamics, sensation play, or anything that feels a little (or a lot) outside the norm. There are two types of kinky—psychological (think power play) and sensation-based (think ropes, spanking, or intense touch). What’s taboo for one person may be vanilla for another, but for you, pushing those boundaries is where the magic happens.
Superpower: You’re endlessly creative when it comes to exploring pleasure.
Shadow Side: Shame can creep in because what turns you on feels “taboo,” making it harder to fully enjoy the experience.
Shapeshifter: Turned on by everything. You’re the chameleon of the bunch, able to tap into all the other blueprint types depending on your mood or your partner’s preferences. You crave variety and can adapt to anyone’s desires.
Superpower: You can be an amazing lover to anyone, adjusting to their blueprint with ease.
Shadow Side: You can feel “too much” for some partners, leaving you hungry for more because you’re constantly adapting to their needs instead of your own.
Section 3: How to Use Your Erotic Blueprint to Enhance Your Sex Life
Okay, so now you may know your blueprint—or maybe you’re a mix of two or more. What now? The next step is learning how to feed your blueprint. Knowing what turns you on is one thing; communicating it to your partner (or yourself) is another.
Here’s how you can start using your blueprint to enhance your sex life:
Feed Your Blueprint: Create environments and experiences that feed your erotic type. If you’re a sensual, make sure your bedroom is a feast for the senses—soft fabrics, ambient lighting, and your favorite scents. If you’re an energetic, focus on the build-up and anticipation. Slow down, take your time, and enjoy the space before touch.
Speak the Blueprint Language: It’s not just about knowing what turns you on—it’s about sharing that with your partner in a way they understand. If your partner is a sexual but you’re a sensual, learn to communicate your needs while also tuning into theirs. For example, you might need more time to get into the mood, while they’re ready to go. Find ways to blend both blueprints so everyone feels satisfied.
Heal the Shadows: Every blueprint has its shadow side. Maybe as a sensual, you get stuck in your head, or as a kinky type, you struggle with shame. The key is to recognize these shadows and work on healing them so they don’t hold you back from fully enjoying your erotic self.
Pro Tip: Start small. Begin by identifying one or two things that really turn you on and focus on bringing those into your sexual experiences. Once you’ve got the hang of feeding your blueprint, start exploring your partner’s type to create a deeper connection.
Section 4: Exploring Beyond Your Blueprint
You might identify strongly with one Erotic Blueprint type, but the real fun comes when you start expanding beyond your primary type. You can learn to enjoy and explore the other blueprints, both solo and with a partner. For example, if you’re primarily sensual, you might find new levels of pleasure by experimenting with kinky or energetic play.
Bonus Tip: Try the “A-B Game” with your partner. It’s a body-mapping technique where you use different touches (think light fingertips or a firm grip) and rate how pleasurable each one feels on a scale of 1 to 5. This is a great way to discover what your body responds to and deepen your connection with your partner.
Conclusion: Unlock Your Full Erotic Potential
Understanding your Erotic Blueprint is a great way to explore and understand yourself at a more intimate level. By knowing what turns you on—and what turns your partner on—you can create a more fulfilling, connected, and satisfying sex life. So, go ahead and explore. You can take a free quiz to discover your primary blueprint, talk to your partner, and most importantly, have fun discovering what lights your fire.
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