The Art of Networking (The Right Way): Ditch the Small Talk, Build Real Connections
Introduction
I’ve been “networking” since I was in diapers. I wish I was kidding.
I grew up at some of the biggest events in the world, being passed around a room full of people before I could even talk. Eventually, that turned into actually talking to people myself.
By the time I was ten or twelve, I was already deep in conversations at business events. I remember one in particular—talking to a man about our shared curiosity for extraterrestrials. We got so caught up in conversation that we completely missed the call to head back into the main event. When we finally walked back in, we were fifteen minutes late.
And the crazy part? I wasn’t trying to “network.” I wasn’t there to get anything from him. I was just genuinely curious. And that’s what made the connection so effortless.
Let’s be honest—most people are doing networking wrong.
They show up, pass out business cards like candy, and ask the same tired questions: “So, what do you do?” or “How’s work going?” Cue the forced smile and polite, surface-level response.
But here’s the thing: networking isn’t about collecting contacts. It’s about building relationships.
It’s about being the person that people want to talk to—because you’re interesting and interested.
The strongest connections aren’t built through robotic conversations or transactional exchanges. They’re built through genuine curiosity, shared value, and actual human connection.
So, let’s rethink networking. Let’s make it less about “Who can help me?” and more about “How can I create meaningful relationships?”
Because when you prioritize people over opportunities, the right opportunities naturally follow.
Section 1: Stop “Networking.” Start Connecting.
Here’s the problem with how most people network: they’re trying way too hard.
I’ve been in rooms where you can feel the desperation. The person who lingers just a little too long in a conversation, trying to force a connection. The one whose eyes dart around the room, looking for someone “better” to talk to.
And then there’s the worst kind—the one who’s only there to sell.
I remember being at a networking event and coming across that guy. You know the type. In this case slightly overweight, curly hair but also balding, giving off just enough of a "please talk to me" vibe that most of the women in the room shared an unspoken understanding: stay away.
But me being me, I ended up talking to him anyway.
And within seconds, I regretted it.
He wasn’t trying to connect. He wasn’t curious about me at all. He was pitching me—hard. Trying to get my contact, trying to sell me on something I definitely didn’t want.
That’s not networking. That’s just awkward and exhausting.
Most people walk into networking events focused on what they can get—a job lead, a business deal, an introduction. But the best networkers? They walk in focused on what they can GIVE.
Networking done right is about being valuable first. It’s about being the kind of person that others want to connect with—not because you need something, but because you bring something to the table:
Insight
A new perspective
Encouragement
A resource, introduction, or opportunity that helps them
When you shift from a transactional mindset to a relationship-building mindset, everything changes. People are drawn to those who genuinely care, not just those who are looking to climb the ladder.
So, the next time you step into a networking event, meeting, or even a casual social gathering, try this:
Be a fan. Compliment their work, acknowledge their impact, show appreciation for what they do.
Be helpful. If you see a way to support, connect, or add value, offer it—without expecting anything in return.
Be curious. Ask questions that actually spark conversation instead of falling into the same surface-level script.
Which brings us to the next section…
Section 2: Ask Better Questions (Because “How Are You?” is Boring)
The fastest way to build a real connection? Ask better questions.
Most people default to:
“What do you do?” → Boring, leads to generic answers.
“How’s work going?” → Forces a polite but meaningless response.
“Been busy?” → Yes. Everyone has. Next.
Instead, ask conversation-sparking questions that go deeper, make people think, and get them excited to talk to you.
Try These Instead:
“What’s one thing you’re excited about right now?”
“What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned recently?”
“What have you been passionate about lately?”
“If you could have dinner with anyone—dead or alive—who would it be and why?”
“If you were to meet one person today who could help you, what would they do?”
“What’s a recent win you’re celebrating?”
“What’s a problem you’re trying to solve right now?”
“If you could go back and give your younger self career advice, what would it be?”
“Who’s been the biggest influence on your career, and why?”
Why These Work:
They make people light up (because you’re asking about things they care about).
They create memorable conversations instead of small talk.
They set you apart—because let’s face it, no one remembers the 37th person who asked “So, what do you do?”
If you want genuine connections, stop asking surface-level questions. Get curious. Make it interesting.
Section 3: The Give-First Approach (How to Build a Network That Actually Supports You)
One of the biggest mistakes people make in networking is leading with the ask.
“Can you introduce me to…?”
“Can you help me get a job at…?”
“Can I pick your brain?”
Here’s a better way: Give first. Help first. Offer first.
Before you ask for anything, focus on how you can add value to someone else.
Free Ways to Support Someone Today:
Like & follow them on social media. Support their work where it matters.
Share their content. Spread their message with your community.
Introduce them to someone valuable. Even if it doesn’t benefit you directly.
Shout them out publicly. A simple post or mention can open doors for them.
Bring them on your podcast, panel, or live stream. Give them a platform.
Offer insight or encouragement. Sometimes, all someone needs is validation or a fresh perspective.
Why This Works:
When you lead with generosity, people naturally want to help you in return. You’re not just a name in their inbox—you’re someone they appreciate, respect, and want to see succeed.
Because givers win in the long run. They build trust, create goodwill, and attract opportunities organically.
Section 4: How to Follow Up (Without Being Awkward or Annoying)
Meeting someone is one thing. Staying on their radar is another.
Most people either:
Never follow up (so the connection fades immediately).
Send a generic, forgettable message (“Great meeting you!” …and that’s it).
The Right Way to Follow Up:
Step 1: Take a Picture Together.
Right after meeting someone, snap a quick photo together and use it to follow up. It makes you instantly more memorable.
Step 2: Send a Message Immediately.
"Hey [Name], it’s [Your Name]! We met at [Event Name]. I loved what you shared about [Topic/Insight]. So glad to have connected!"
Step 3: Follow Up with a Video Message.
A quick 10-second video saying: “Hey [Name], just wanted to say how much I enjoyed our conversation at [event]. Looking forward to staying in touch!”—this makes you stand out 10x more than a basic text.
Step 4: Keep the Connection Alive.
Check in a week later with something relevant to them.
Support their work by engaging with their content.
Look for ways to add value before ever making an ask.
Conclusion: Relationships Over Transactions, Always
Networking isn’t about “working the room”. It’s not about collecting business cards or gaining followers. It’s about building relationships that actually matter.
And the best way to do that?
Stop being transactional. Be curious, be generous, be genuinely interested in people.
Ask better questions. Go beyond small talk—get people excited to share.
Give before you ask. Offer help, resources, or encouragement before expecting anything in return.
Follow up with value. Stay connected in a way that feels natural, not forced.
Because the truth is, real networking isn’t about what you can get. It’s about the relationships you build, the value you offer, and the connections that grow over time.
So next time you meet someone new, ask yourself:
"How can I be valuable first?"
Because when you lead with that, the right connections will always follow.
Follow me on Instagram for more ways to build real, meaningful relationships—without the awkward small talk.
